The Light Between 2 Oceans

So, I saw the movie trailer for "The Light Between Oceans" early last week. I won't go into details about what the actual movie is about, but it wasn't the plot that stuck with me. It was the title. It strongly resonated with me, but at the time I couldn't figure out why. I kept thinking about that title for days; I couldn't shake it. Weird.

Well fast forward to that Thursday, as I packed for another Spartan race, my normal anxiety is in full force. There's more at stake at this one...more to be afraid of.

• It's half way into my Double Trifecta
• It's a team trip 
• It's in Colorado=5500ft elevation, cold and mountains (scary for this Texas girl)
• It's at a Military base where Olympians train

My husband, as always, tries to calm me down. He's a great encourager but my fears often drown out his uplifting words. The more I pack, the more those voices creep in..."Can I do it...What about the elevation...How many obstacles will you overcome and/or fail...Can you finally get up that rope...Will you survive?!"

I know I can't continue to stress over it...It's too late; I'm already committed.

Forget about the cold

Forget about the elevation

Forget about the difficulty of the obstacles

Forget about trying to keep pace with others

FORGET ABOUT THE ROPE

Just cross the Finish Line. 

 Yes it was COLD (40degrees)

 Yes it was TIRING

Yes it was DIFFICULT

But YES I MADE IT

I CROSSED THE FINISH LINE

Honestly the rest of the day and weekend was a blur. 

However, I get it now. That small whisper last week trying to give me a hint of things to come. The success that I had longed for. That 'Light' was actually between 2 raging oceans. The first ocean was full of doubt...the " Will I ever...It's not possible...I'm not strong enough...I can'ts." 

But then a there was a light...a spark...a catalyst to the next ocean. The ocean of full of confidence...the "It can happen...Anything is possible...I am a BEAST...I can!"

The lesson learned from my roller-coaster of emotions:

If you work through your anxiety and pain on the other side there is a reward. Use it to push you to greatness.

The Day I Almost Died

Yesterday, I almost died. Well at least I felt like I was going to die. My chest was tight. My lungs were heaving heavily. My face was red. My body was sweating uncontrollably. My whole body was screaming in pain. What was this act of the devil that had me this way?! I ran my first 5k. Now, before you roll your eyes or chuckle...you have to realize that that was a big step for me. I am a former "fatfat", lazy couch potato, a self proclaimed asthmatic who HATED to exercise. So just signing up for the race was a milestone. But I did so for a good cause...Lupus Awareness. My eldest daughter was diagnosed with Lupus last year. Something I don't share with most people because it's scary. Scary to think that my sweet little piece of Hollywood is in pain and there's nothing that Mommy can do to fix it. Lupus is coined as the 'Silent Killer', a disease that turns your body against itself...a disease with no cure. So the ONLY thing that can be done is medication to ease the symptoms and education to bring awareness. So yesterday, inspite of my fears and self pity, amongst a sea of hundreds of others, I ran...I ran to bring awareness...I ran to raise money for research...I ran for all of the ones who couldn't...I ran in honor of my daughter. It put into perspective of how my struggles with weightloss, food addiction, and self confidence is so trivial in comparison to others who are struggling just to get out of bed...just to be productive and active...just to cope with physical pain...just to be alive one more day. So, although I am a bit sore today from yesterday's 'milestone', I will continue this journey with less complaints. I will continue to run for the ones who can't...I will continue to run because I CAN.

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